


Battle of the Snowmen

by pirateherokillian (Pirateherokillian)



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-30
Updated: 2019-01-30
Packaged: 2019-10-19 12:28:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17601365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pirateherokillian/pseuds/pirateherokillian
Summary: A rather expressive snow display on her neighbor’s front lawn was not something Emma would have considered a highlight of the season. Written for my giftee in the 2018 Captain Swan Secret Santa.





	Battle of the Snowmen

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bucklesomeswashswan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bucklesomeswashswan/gifts).



> Finally getting around to posting this here!

It started as a bit of a misunderstanding.

As much as phallic-sporting snowmen could be considered a misunderstanding.

Emma’s eyes had nearly bulged out of her head when she took in the sight of the pair of them a yard over from hers following Henry’s enthusiastic ‘Look, mom! They’re sword fighting!’ from the passenger seat of her Bug. She thanked whatever deity had blessed her nine-year-old son with unending purity and goodness and offered an awkward chuckle and affirmation to him before pulling out of the driveway. Her instinct was to march right over to her neighbor’s house and give him a piece of her mind, but Henry needed to get to school.

The marching came when she arrived home some time later and the two extremely erect snowmen were still there, glistening in the dull morning sun. Shoulders set and scowl in place, Emma was anything but quiet as she marched up the porch steps and slammed her fist on the front door. She knew he often worked late and was likely still asleep. Which, when she looked back on it, was probably the first clear indicator that maybe things were a bit off about the whole situation. But in that moment, she was a mom on a mission and details didn’t matter in the wake of her agitation.

“God damn it, Jones! Open this door!”

She heard some dull, hasty thumping on the other side of the door, and then the locks being turned. She was greeted with bleary blue eyes and rumpled hair, a look of a confusion marring his handsome face.

“Lass, what-”

Emma didn’t wait for him to continue, stepping right up into his space and jabbing him right in the chest with her finger. “Don’t you  _lass_  me. What the hell, Jones? You think it’s funny doing this shit? Henry’s not even ten and you do something so messed up right where he’s gonna see it?!”

He took a startled step back. “Emma, I have no idea-”

“Is this some sort of sick payback for Halloween?” She kept going, ignoring his attempt to interrupt her in the moment. “Because if this is how you get back at me for my tipsy brother putting some harmless toilet paper in your trees, you’re not as much of a  _gentleman_  as you like to proclaim you are!”

“Halloween?” He shook his head, still appearing completely baffled. “What?”

“Oh don’t you try and use that clueless Brit charm on me, Jones.” She jabbed in him his chest again. “You’re  _clearly_  not as innocent and naive as you con everyone into thinking you are.”

Firmly, yet still gentle enough that it was nothing more than a means to stop her assault on his chest with her finger, he wrapped his large hand around hers and gave it a bit of a squeeze. “Emma, I have no bloody idea what you’re on about!”

“The snowmen!”

If it was even possible, he managed to look more confused at her explanation. “What snowmen?”

Emma yanked her finger from his grasp and turned slightly to gesture towards the yard with the same hand. “The ones in your yards with the huge hard ons, Liam!”

“What?!” Liam bellowed and barreled past her, stumbling out onto his front porch to take in the sexualized snow siblings standing tall a few steps from the house. “Bloody hell!” He spun on his bare feet and went flying past Emma back into the house. “Killian!”

She frowned at his shout, leaning a little to look through the doorway. Emma hadn’t seen where Liam had stormed off to, but from where his voice carried out the open door, it seemed he had turned into what she knew was the den.

“Wake up, you git!”

She heard some mumbling and a couple of thumps, and then Liam again.

“Get up off the damn floor, you rum-soaked idiot!” There was a shout and what sounded like a bit of scuffling and then Liam was coming back into view, a rumpled looking man being practically manhandled in front of him.

“Liam, what the fuck-” The man protested as Liam pushed him past Emma, the strong stench of alcohol causing her to take a step back as much as the pair moving past her had.

“What the fuck is right!” Liam all but growled as he released the other man. He stumbled against the porch’s bannister, rubbing at the back of his neck and glaring at Liam. “Do you see what you’ve done to my bloody front yard, Killian? I have neighbors.  _With children_.”

The man Emma realized was Killian turned unsteadily on his feet and squinted out at what she was suddenly realizing was  _his_  handiwork. Though it seemed, from his sudden burst of hysterical laughter, that the process of making said handiwork had slipped his mind. Her eyes went wide, mouth falling open slightly, as he bent over at the waist, one hand clutching the top of the wooden railing while the other was tucked against his stomach as he laughed.

“Oh for fuck’s sake!” Liam growled, stepping forward and slapping Killian on the back of the head. “Stop that! It’s not funny!”

“You’re right!” Killian wheezed, standing back to his full height and taking in the snowmen once more. “It’s bloody hilarious.” He turned and fell back against the bannister, grinning at his brother. “Quite a damn sight, really!” It was then that he finally realized Emma was there on the porch with them, his hazy blue eyes drifting over in her direction. The grin on his face turned decidedly more devilish.

“Oh my…” He straightened up and placed a hand on Liam’s shoulder, nudging him out of the way. “Not the only damn sight this fine morning.” Killian swaggered over to her, catching Emma off guard as he reached for her hand and brought it up to lay a kiss on her knuckles. “Hey, beautiful.”

Emma pulled her hand back sharply just as Liam stepped up quick and grabbed Killian around the shoulders.

“Okay, that’s quite enough from you!” He barked as he took Killian around the shoulders from behind, manhandling him once again. This time back into the house. He gave Killian a light shove into the front hallway, which Killian seemed to take in stride as he stumbled his way back around facing them. There was a pitiful attempt at a wink in Emma’s direction, the same grin still plastered on his face, before Liam promptly pulled the door shut.

Green eyes brimming with incredulity, Emma looked at Liam sharply. His face, which had gone red with anger at Killian, now seemed to grow even more red with shame. He stepped closer to her, holding up his hands in a placating gesture.

“Emma, I am so sorry for all of this. I swear he’s not usually-” He sighed.

She held up her hand, halting whatever excuses he was about to make for… whoever the other guy had been. “Listen, I honestly don’t give a shit.” She shook her head, suddenly realizing she was ready to be done with the whole thing as soon as possible, hoping she could erase the whole incident from her brain.. “Just take down the snowmen.”

With that, Emma turned on her heels and marched back down the porch.

—–

Of course it seemed life and Liam Jones were determined for her not to be done with it or forget it. Because later that night, when Henry was busy working on his homework and Emma working on  _hers_ , a knock had come at their door.

She scowled and squared her shoulders at the contrite looking man standing on the other side of the door as she swung it open. A bottle of wine with a ribbon tied around the neck was offered out to her.

“My penance, if you’ll accept?”

Emma eyed Liam critically before reaching up slowly and taking the bottle. She continued to hold it out between them slightly as she looked from it back to him. “Didn’t booze already cause enough issues today?”

Blushing, Liam scratched at the back of his neck and laughed awkwardly. “Aye, that is quite true.” He gestured to the bottle with his free hand. “But I figured it would be a nice peace offering? And hey,” His blue eyes lit up and he turned his hand slightly. “Maybe you could enjoy it and figure out a way to get back at my brother?”

Letting the bottle fall to rest lightly against her hip, Emma raised her eyebrow. “You want me to get trashed and retaliate?”

Liam shook his head and sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “No, you’re right, that’s stupid.” He muttered and reached up to run his hand through his hair. “This whole thing is stupid. But I’ve felt terrible all day about what he did and, I know when he’s not still sleeping off last night, he’ll feel terrible too, and he’s been going through some rough times and-”

“Okay,” Emma stepped forward, cutting him off by putting her free hand on his shoulder. “Come on.” She nudged him towards her open doorway.

He gave her a baffled look over his shoulder as she nudged.

She rolled her eyes, gesturing with a slight shake of the bottle. “You sound like you need this wine more than I do. So you’re coming inside for a drink and a little bit of backstory about this brother of yours, and then you’re gonna go home and we’re gonna forget this whole thing happened for the sake of everyone.”

—–

Only it was  _impossible_  to forget as soon as Liam had started to tell her about Killian.

Younger brother - whereas Liam was more around her own brother David’s age, Killian was nearer to hers. Had a bit of a rough childhood in the system while Liam struggled to age out and gain custody of him. Mixed up with the wrong people and was nearly a lost cause until a close call had him cleaning himself up and joining the Royal Navy. Excelled as an officer until he got caught up in the affections of a CO’s wife. The affair ruined his Navy career, earning him a less than savory posting where he nearly lost his life and partial use of his left hand…

That night, after Liam was gone and Henry was in bed, Emma stared up at her lazily spinning fan on her bedroom ceiling, and felt some pang of understanding for the younger Jones. She knew what it was like for life and love to screw you over. To find yourself relying on the good graces of the one person still there to help you pick up the pieces. Maybe if she hadn’t had Henry’s well-being to think of, she’d have tried to find solace and enjoyment in life in some less than appropriate ways. Her teenage years before her son came along hadn’t exactly been shining examples of being an exemplary citizen.

But she’d had Henry to think about. Everything, since the day she was in juvie holding a positive pregnancy test, had been in son’s best interest.

So when Killian  _himself_  made it impossible for her to forget about him or the circumstances of how they met by building a rather impressive snowman-version of Little Finger subtly mourning his lost penis, she didn’t hesitate to act.

By chopping off Snowttle Finger’s head with an axe to the throat.

—–

She had to give him credit. She really did. It had caught her off guard the next morning to see the decapitated snowman still standing tall in the Jones yard, head still lying in the snow at his feet. Henry didn’t seem to notice on their way out of the driveway, thank god, due to his nose being buried in her phone over some breaking Marvel news.

But there was no way he would’ve missed the bloody snowman massacre spread across their neighbors yard later that afternoon. Emma had seen in when she’d gotten home, of course. And had half a mind to march over to the other house and make sure she scolded the  _right_  Jones in person. But the ‘Michonne was here’ hastily painted on poster board taped to the bannister of the porch had stopped her.

Henry had gasped in delight at the snowy bloodbath that greeted them when she brought him home from school. Emma  _almost_  felt bad as parent.  _Almost_. But Neal had taken that particular title from her in the zombie gore department when he’d binge-watched the series with their son just that previous summer.

At least the dead snowmen didn’t give Henry nightmares for a month.

—–

It was a back and forth scenario after that. Emma would do something to disrupt Killian’s sudden passion for “snow art” and he would adapt to form a new creation for her in the following days, even going so far as to somehow acquire supplies for fake snowmen when the weather got too warm. After the first few, she started to take pictures of them for posterity’s sake. And if she was posting them on her private instagram so her small group of followers could admire Killian’s rather exceptional artistry and creativity, so be it.

She especially loved when he’d make Game of Thrones references. What had started as some obvious cheek in response to their first meeting had grown into a full blown shared passion of the series between the two, especially when Killian finally managed to glean her phone number out of her in an admirable scavenger hunt amongst some snowmen that led to a hidden piece of paper with her to call or text him anytime.

Killian referred to her as his ‘Swanlessi’ when he was feeling particularly cheeky. Or drunk. And as stupid and cheesy as it was, and though she often rolled her eyes when it popped up on her screen, Emma rather enjoyed the implications of importance.

“What do you mean you haven’t  _seen_  him since that first day?”

Emma sighed and astutely ignored the glare Ruby was giving her over the tabletop, choosing instead to take a small sip of her whiskey sour. It was rare that Neal took Henry for the full weekend and she was hoping to make the most of it. That hope was quickly dash as she almost choked as her friend jerked on the glass abruptly.

“Rubes!” She coughed as the sudden splash of Jameson, juices, and syrup slide down her throat. “You’re gonna kill me.”

“You’re already killing me!” Ruby argued as if it was on par with being choked by a mixed drink. “You’re telling me Liam Jones’ _super hot_  little brother has been building snow monuments to you since you first met him and you  _haven’t_  seen him in  _person since you first met him!?”_

Emma winced at Ruby’s sharply rising voice. “Okay, first of all,” She placed her glass on the table. “He’s his  _younger_  brother.” She chose to ignore the eyebrow quirk her friend gave her. “Second of all, not  _all_  of them are snow. And third of all, they’re  _not_  monuments. And fourth-”

Ruby leaned forward with her arm resting on the edge of the table. “You have an entire instagram account dedicated to said  _not-monuments,_ snow or otherwise?”

Picking her drink back up, Emma shrugged. “It’s not  _dedicated_.” She threw back the rest of the whiskey sour and placed the glass back down. “And I only have like twelve followers, two of which are your accounts, so what does it matter if I post them or if I don’t see him in person?”

“Alright,” Ruby snatched up Emma’s empty glass and pushed up from her seat. “We’re fixing this.” She said with a determined nod and turning to make her way over to the bar.

“Fixing what?!” Emma called after her retreating back.

—–

Killian woke with a start. He sat up groggily from the couch, glancing around the den and trying to figure out what had woken him. He had dozed off with HBO’s Game of Thrones marathon on and briefly wondered if some explosion in the show had woken him.

The theory was put to rest when loud knocking against the front door echoed through the house. Throwing the blanket back, Killian frowned and he rose and made his way out of the room into the hallway and towards the door. It was pretty late in the evening - technically morning even. Liam was having an all nighter down at docks with a new overnight fishing haul coming into town. And he knew Will and Robin were still up in the city. He turned the lock and twisted the knob. So who could possibly-

“Hey beautiful.”

Killian gaped at the woman of his dreams for the past several weeks leaning against the wall by the door. “Emma?”

“You weren’t kidding,” She bit at her bottom lip, eyes roaming from his sleep-tousled hair, down his naked chest, over his low-slung joggers, right to his bare feet. “Such a …” She pushed off the wall, listing more than slightly to her right.

Killian stepped forward, wrapping his arm around her waist to steady her. She reached one arm up around his neck, smiling dopily and staring up into his wide blue eyes.

“ _Damn_ ,” Her breath hitched on a small hiccup and she giggled a little. “Fine sight.”

“Bloody hell, Swan…” Killian searched her eyes. “How much have you had to drink tonight?”

Emma scrunched up her nose some. “I had to fix it.” She pushed down on his arm, causing his to let go of her, and ambled her way around him into the house.

Killian turned to watch her lean with her hand down heavily on the hallway table. She balanced precariously on one foot, lifting the other up so she could use her free hand to unzip her boot. “Fix what, love?” He asked with curious amusement as she kicked the unzipped boot aside.

She turned and Killian started to step forward as she wavered slightly, but stopped when she caught herself with her right hand on the table this time. “For you showing up drunk…” Emma nodded before going about trying to get her other boot off.

Deciding it was likely easiest, despite her house being right next door, to have her sleep it off on his couch, Killian silently stepped forward and eased the door shut behind him. He waited as she struggled to get her second shoe off. Which she did after a couple of moments of fighting.

Emma kicked that one to a completely different part of the room as the first and pointed at him. “And never seeing me in person again.”

He couldn’t help but quirk a smile at her put-upon pout. “I didn’t show up drunk…” He stepped over to her. She glared up at him playfully. “I was already  _here_ , in my house, drunk.”

“Your brother’s house.” She argued.

“Aye,” He nodded. “But the one I live in… right next door to yours.” She nodded back at him, her pout growing slightly. “Where I subjected you and your boy to rather sophomoric imagery while in my cups, of which I was highly ashamed and afraid you might punch me in the face if you saw me in person again.”

“I wouldn’t have-“

“You chopped my snowman’s head off with an axe, Swan.”  He lightly placed his hands on her hips and gave her a smirk, lifting his eyebrow up. “You’re intimidating, darling.”

Emma collapsed against his chest. She wrapped her arms around him and pressed her face to the warm skin of his neck. “Like a Khaleesi?”

Killian chuckled, wrapping her up in a hug. “Aye, Swan. Like a Khaleesi.”

—–

Liam wouldn’t let her live down her waking up  _extremely_  hungover in his house the next morning for months, whispering ‘enough issues, hmm?’ at every opportunity he felt appropriate. Most of which Emma was sure definitely  _weren’t_  appropriate. At least remembering the hangover and Liam’s teasing also brought along the memory of Killian making her scrambled eggs that particular morning.

And inviting her and Henry out to ice cream a few nights later.

And her to dinner a couple nights after that.

—-

“Swan…”

Emma groaned and snuggled deeper into the comforter.

“Come on, love. You have to wake up.”

“Why?” She whined, the sound of it muffled by fabric.

Killian tugged at the ends of the comforter lightly. “Because it snowed last night.”

She tugged back and pulled it over her head. “All the more reason to stay in bed.” She groaned again as the bed dipped and Killian’s weight settled lightly on top of her. “God, you’re insufferable.”

“You’ve known that since the moment you met me.” Even though she couldn’t see him with her face covered, she could hear the cheeky smile in his voice. He jostled her lightly with his forearms resting on either side of her to hold himself up.

Emma growled and turned onto her back, flipping down the covers so she could glare at him. “And I’m wondering right now what ever convinced me to let it slide.”

His grin widened as he lifted himself off her and off the bed easily. He held his hand out to her. “Whiskey sours and Ruby Lucas.”

“A terrible combination.” She grumbled as she finally let herself be pulled from the bed and out of the room. “I still can’t believe after all this time you’re still building freakin’ snow art  _for_  me. It’s been two years…”

Killian stopped them at the front doorway so he could wrap her in the blanket he’d left waiting and nudged her snow boots towards her. She sighed and put them on, and when she looked up to scowl at him, he slipped her beanie on her head and kissed her nose. “You’re the one who still posts them all on instagram.”

Crossing the blanket over the front of her grumpily, she trudge with her untied boots through the door he pulled open for her, head down. “Yeah, well… I do it for continuity.” She looked up to see what was so important at 8 am on the Saturday before Christmas and stopped dead in her tracks.

“Me too.” Killian whispered lovingly in her ear as he wrapped his arms around her shoulders from behind, bringing his chin to read on her shoulder as he took in what she was only seeing for the first time.

“What the hell, Jones?” She questioned breathlessly, tears stinging in her eyes as they drifted over the three pristine dragons build in the snow, her son sitting atop the one in the center, grinning as he held up a sign.

_‘ My Khaleesi, Queen, Savior. Wife?’_

Killian chuckled nervously. “So is that a yes or…”

Wiping at her eyes with the edge of the blanket, Emma turned in his embrace and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, the blanket stretching taut with the movement. His eyes searched hers hopefully, a hint of uncertainty as she stared up at him. Then she smiled and he lightly laughed out one of his own right before she pressed up on her toes to kiss him deeply.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on Tumblr as [pirateherokillian](http://pirateherokillian.tumblr.com) and on Twitter as [pirateherojones](http://twitter.com/pirateherojones).


End file.
